growling mad scientists are lovebrought to you by the isLove GeneratorUMM i dont get how that thing works?????????? does it jsut steal an intrest off yor intrests page??????if gms is love, infected is sex.

Haha i tricked you..What color is most reflective of you: Orange What time were you born? 11pmWhat song are you playing now, or wish you were playing? umm.. im not listnin to anything, and my memory has disapeared in the last few days so i cannot even remember song names. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? I cant rememberWhat color underwear are you wearing? black jock strap, red cotton/stretchy boxers, black satin boxers (yeh im wearin them all at the same time) Do you want a baby? well. i'd probly adopt a kid if i wanted one. What does your mom do for a living? works at a child care centreWhat does your dad do for a living? computer programmerWhat is your pet's name? Billy, Peggy, BlueyWhat color are your bedsheets? I havnt been in there since wednesday, i've got no idea (my brain remembers nothing)What are the last 3 digits of your phone number? 545What was the last concert you attended? I cant remember. What was the last movie you saw? Cant remember. Who do you dislike most at this moment? the creepy old lesbian who stalked me at earthcore. What food are you craving right now? crushed ice or a frozen coke or somethingDid you dream last night? No. i didnt sleep last night. What was the last tv show you watched? SOmething on wednesday night, i've got no idea what tho. What is your fave piece of jewelry? my skull earring What is to the left of you? a bag of chick pea chips, a tie, a pile of paper, a set of pick up sticks, a stack of burnt cds, the printer, old school books. What was the last thing you ate? dinner - steamed vegetables. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? i dont know. Write a song lyric that's in your head: Theres no lyrics in my headWhat song is that from? *pass*Who last IMed you? spencerWhere is your significant other right now? *pass* Do you have a crush? no. What is his/her name? - What shampoo do you use? Umm.. the natures organics one - the green oneWhen was the last time you cut your hair? about 3 weeks agoAre you on any meds? nope Do you have a mental disease? i dont know. What shirt are you wearing? a white tank top. i wore it on thursday, then on saturday, and then im wearing it again tongiht and i havnt washed it. how gross is that.. What time is it? 9.56 pm but the clock is probly wrongWhat color is your razor? its a blue venus razor - i never got aroudn to buying a razor that yor meant to use on yor face, so i just use that one. What is your fave frozen treat? Umm any kind of sorbet. Are you sexy? Whats your favorite shopping store? well, the fruit and vege shop (if that counts) Are you thirsty? yes. i want a frozen coke. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? my imagination is pretty good, i can imagine anything if i try hard enuf.

ahhsdr...well, now i am back. its hard to write about how good of a weekend it was, when right now i feel fucked. Hmmm. I have a small problem. My little sister asked me (about a week ago) if i could get her a bottle of vodka to go on her school camp. I said i probly could. Her camp is tomorrow, and i havnt got it yet, its 6.30 pm. I dont feel up to walking to the bottl o at all. (my feet hurt cuz i havnt worn shoes since friday morning) I feel bad about it. But i dont really want her to take vodka on her camp anyway. I dont know what the fuck i should do. She will think im mean if i dont get it for her. ANyway. WEll. Earthcore was pretty good. This year, me, mel and sarah had a plan that we would stay together (instead of losing each other for most of the night, like we do at almost every other event). Mostly we hung out with some guys from frankston who were pretty fun. GMS didnt really impress me at all. They were good tho.... Salmonella dub were good. UmmMMmm.. This morning i was standing up the back of the main stage dance floor, and i was fair wrecked. Every time i'd open my mouth my jaw would shake. ANyway, this lady noticed and she started talkin to me and tellin me i needed a lolly pop stick to bite on. I didnt like this lady at all. i said i'd go try to find the lolly pop vending machine, and this guy that the lady was with said he would come with me. ANyway, this story is dragging on. The point is i was trying to get away from these poeple because they kind of creeped me out. THe lady told me to sit down and kept laying on me and shit. It pissed me off. She kept tryin to hold my hand. If it was meant to be a sexual thing, then i'm fucking repulsed and will go throw up now. (this woman was -definatly- over 40, not that i have anything against ppl older than me, but i thought it was creepy) She started sayign shit like she liked my haircut and then asked me in a really weird way if my haircut was meant to reflect my personality or who i wanted to be percieved as (she said it in a much dumber and less clear way than that). This really pissed me off. All this fucking bitch really wanted to know is if i was a dyke. I said 'i dont like hair'. When it comes to hair, i think that people jsut feel as if they are sposed to have a kind of hair. I felt wrong when i had long hair, as if there was no other choise than to have short hair. I didnt analyse it at all, and i dont think i should have to.. i dont think someones haricut means shit. I didnt say that to the lady tho. She was still laying on me, and i was sayign things like 'im gunna go to my tent and get a jacket' and stuff like that (because i wanted to get away), but she would keep saying other things and fuckign looking at me and tellin me not to go to my tent.It made me feel sick. So anyway, she kept pretty much trying to make me say that i have short hair because 'i am a dyke'. In the end, i just said 'well i woudlnt want to have a feminine haircut' then she goes 'are you a lesbian' ... i said 'im queer'. she said 'so your a lesbian' .. i said 'no'. she said 'well what are you.' i said 'i dont wanna explain'. she said 'no, you should explain'. So i explained really quickly. then she said something about sexuality (not gender) being a continuom (i dunno how to spell it). She was sayign stuff like that i can be masculine and be a lesbian, and tellign me about the lesbian scene and these spectrum crap. I didnt really care to say 'Um..sexuality and gender are different things'. Soon after this i kind of pushed her head off my leg, and said i was going to my tent and left. THe rest of the day i tried to avoid her by walking ridiculously long and difficult ways to main stage, to my tent, to the toilets. She came up to me when i was sitting with the frankston guys and gave me hug. I said 'thanx; and didnt look at her anymore. Then when i was at the toilets she comes up to me and goes 'this fell outta your pocket' and handed me a few dollars. I said 'thanx' and walked away. Then she came up and stood next to me whaen i was tryign to get food.. she kept appearign beside me everywhere and smiling and tryign to hug me. If she was much younger, i probly woudl have said 'can you please fuck off, i dont like you.' I dunno why i didnt say that, i felt like i couldnt. At stuff like earthcore i never talk to women really (except for ones that i know). Any regular, decent, half brained person catches on when a person is rude to them, tries hard not to talk to them, avoids them.. and realises that the person doesnt like them, so they shoudl probly go away. My sister is annoying me. I said to her that i am NOt walking to the bottle o, and that if she can find a way to get me there, without me havign to walk, then i will go. I'm usually up for walking.. but like i said before, i havnt worn shoes since friday morning, and i've been running around and dancing for the last 2 days. I asked her if she really needs vodka to go on school camp and she made this 'its the end of the world' face and goes 'yess i do.' Now shes crying and shit. She comes in and goes 'its more the fact that i've told everyoen else that i can egt it.. and i do everything for you...' and then started crying. FUck, i feel mean. She does heaps of shit for me. But every other time she askes me to get her alcohol or ciggarettes, i get it for her. I know i shoulda got this vodka for her earlier, but i didnt and im sorry that i didnt, but today its sunday and i'm in the shittest mood, and i think my body would collapse and die if i tried to go to walk there. If the bottle o was closer i would go, but its about 2 k's away and there are many hills. I dont get why she cant just be normal about it and say 'ok, well that kinda sux but alcohol isnt really that important' . My sister never bought me alcohol for any reason... no one would go to the trouble (or trust me with) 2 bottles of vodka on a school camp. dehieufrhyeuiwhfnirushfuihsdai

Last night was ok. I didnt get any exciting awards tho. I got certificates for 'dilligence in art' and for 'most improved in food tech'. . . . . I was on the validictory video twice, both times i was doing a stupid dance. Afterwards most of us went to Walks (a crappy bar in Eltham - the place u go when the pub shuts) and had a few beers, then went to a mates place and drank a little more. I dunno wut to do about NBO day.. i will send some text msgs a bit later. I still havnt changed my message alert tone, its still as loud and ear peircing as a fire alarm. hehe it scares me. Schoolies has been organised. The plan is, i am goin to E-core this w/end and will be back sometime on sunday. Then on Monday am leaving for schoolies in Lorne (i only found out about this last night, Mel is like 'You gotta bring the blue tent to schoolies on monday, and i was liek wtf?? we have a tendancy to organise stuff at the very last minute) We're also meant to be goign to Torquay. I think we've been invited to stay at other peoples places - in their backyards, or on their camping sites. I'm not sure what day i'll get back, probably when me, mel and sarah have all run outta money. Ahh my scary msg alert is about to go off*hides in the corner*

check out the state of my carpet.. Ewww.. hehehee

Me lookin pretty boring...

I prefer me with facial hair..

YOu know how there are white tail spiders that can kill you? Do you kinda look like scorpions?I put my dogs in the laundry cuz they like to escape outta the backyard in stormy/heavy rain type weather cuz they get real scared and freak out, so i broguth them inside. i cant leave them to go wherever they want cuz they are a bit too destructive for that. in the laundry i foudn this spider. it looks like... well it has a round body that is conpletely white. and skinny legs like a daddy long legs. i always called those things 'white tails' cuz they have white tails.. its in between the washin mashine and the sink. anyway so i looke dup white tail spiders and the one in the laundry does not look like the ones in the pictures at all..but i just wanna know, anyone know if the spider i described is dangerous??? i dunno wut to do.. i dont want it to hurt my dogs but i cant get at it unless i somehow move the washing mashine. i coudl put the dogs outside but they will get scared and out into the reserve. so much shit going on at my house, at 2.30am..

Ahh.geuss whats goin on at my house?its flooding.. againand everyones arguing over it. everyone thinks theyve got right theory on where the waters comin thru and why its comin thru..my mum is set on that its because of my dads water recycling system. its just her way of blaming dad for it.. shes got nothing to back it up tho.. no evidence to support it. there IS evidence, but she cant and hasnt identified it herself. my dad says the rain comes in because the path along the side of the house slopes slightly towards the house. this theory coudl also be right, but he coudl just be saying that in order to avoid taking the blame for it - he blames 'nature' 100%, so its not technically his fault (even tho he did build the path, mums not allowed to know about the path theory tho) i had a theory about the water table rising due to years of using the water recycling system. but i decided that was wrong, cuz we live on a hill (or somthin) and i dont even really know what a water table is, it just sounded right at the time.mum tries to get me to explain my other theories to dad, and convince him that im right, and that its his fault. dad does the same thing, but tries to get me to convince mum that his theories are right.. and that hers are dumb. dad is right, but mum is to uhh.. shes fair stressed over it. i just want her to chill a bit. em remains neutral .. she just tells everyone to shut up. jess stays out of it altogether. points to consider are that - it only floods when it rains, therefore it cant be soley the recycling system taht is responsible.. -a lotta water goes thru the recycling system tho, fucking heaps of it.. probly to much for the plants outside to use and absorb. -my dads not a plumber, or a builder. hes a computer programmer. so he easily coiulda fucked somethign up without realising it, hes no professional. its most likely a combination of the first 2. thats wut i reken. but yeh. theres no point arguing over it, i recken its better just to wait til the insurance guys come round next week n just stick it out thru these minor floods. theres fuck all we can do about it. im just sick of my mum bitching at my dad, blaming him for everything. its not his fucking fault. shes acting as if everythign is his fault when tonight is the first time shes actually participated in cleaning up the water, adn the whole time she does it.. its constant bitching.. the job is unpleasant enuf without her bitching over it. no one even provokes her.. everyones just like 'yeh mum, just leave it, its nto dads fault, we dunno y it happened'.. and she continues.. on and on.. (kinda like this post)convo goin on atm.. Em (to mum)- "its 2am, shut up. stop arguing. we all just wanna go to sleep.'Mum- "yeh, go to sleep in a swimming pool."if i laughed out loud mum woudl yell at me. i feel bad 4 her, but, wut can ya do but be nice.. i already be nice.. she just bitches and bitches. PS take a look at wut i randomly typed for 'mood' while squijing the keyboard, i really like beer that much i can type it without thinkin at all..

i a m s o f u c k i n g B O R E D ! ! ! ! Long story short - i was all set to go out tonight, got dressed etc, about to leave my house.. then i got a phone call and everyone fucking cancelled and went home to study for their monday exams instead of coming out and drinking beer. so yeh.. now im here and its the most boring thing ever, well almost. how boring do things wanna be? tictictictictictictictictici wish soemthing would happen already.

ahsjhfjdksfhjksdMy house is flooded again. Its the 3rd time in two weeks. The first 2 floods were pipe- related (pipes bursting). This one is from the rain, or from water rising from the ground. So since i got up ive been ripping up carpet, moving furniture, using foam to soak up the water. The water was only about 5mm deep, at the deepest, but its still fucked. My house has been the worst environment to study in. The first flood happened when i was sutdying for my english exam so ther were those massive blower things. Also through the entire study time the kitchen is gettin re done so theres hammering and shit that starts at abnout 7am, and cuz my dad is doin most of it.. he doesnt stop til 10ish at night sometimes. It sort of sucks, but o well. I'm sick of the house flooding. Its lucky that i didnt keep the room i had downstairs, because i keep all my stuff on the floor.. it all woulda got wet. I'm hungry, n its still rainin. THe water is still comin in... o well. I feel bad for my parents that this crap keeps on happening to their house.

Take the quiz: "Method of Suicide"JumpingLet gravity do the all the work. Your method of suicide is to Jump.:O as if i'd jump, im to scared of edges. maybe i would.

wow i found someone with the same name as me. he's a playstation game character if u didnt already know. http://www.scek.co.kr/game/gamenews_view.asp?seq=6&category=JAK2&page=1(and scroll down)how cool is he. if i had a playstation i'd buy those games and jak and i would kik ass. (did you notice how i said 'jak and i for once? )my dad explained to me why you dont say stuff like 'me and john went for a walk', because if john wasnt there i'd be saying 'me went for a walk' and thats stupid and wrong... i never knew there was a logic to it!!, except that it sounds smarter.. thats the shit they should teach u in school!! school never taught us cool grammar stuff like that. maybe it was cuz of the shit primary school i went to. (it was on the news a while ago for asbestos in the classrooms i was in in grade 1 and 2) interesting site - Product recallsast30days.cfm?rcl_type=recalls_consumer&psa_id=10969i think its intresting hehe.

I made a new icon but i think i might get sick of seein my face every time i look at LJ. no news really. im still wearin pjs. mel came over for a bit. i played basketball on the street for a while. im getting pretty used to playing basketball on the street in my pj pants, not sure whether thats a good thing or a bad thing. at least though i've organised something to do tonight - go to the pub with mel + whoever. it is $2 pot night. tomorrow is study day. i think studying too early in the week is too depressing, because at least if i start on a thursday, theres only one day until friday (night) when everyone will feel obliged to come out and do fun stuff with me, reglardless of whether (or not) they've got exams next week. im a bad influence but i get bored. so so bored. there was something interesting in the (local) newspaper. it was about a guy from parade (a private boys school) who, last year on muck up day, killed a chicken and got off with no fines or anything as yet. so i think i'll write a letter into the newspaper about it. he SHOULD have got a year in jail. he was going to get either a year in jail or a $X fine, i forget how much. this kid bought a chicken for $2 and killed it in front of all the wanky parade boys on muck up day because 'they told him to'. it had his name in the paper as well so maybe ill hunt him down... the rspca want to take it back to court and get him fined/jail time but they dont think theyve got the $$ to do it. anyway, so i'll write a letter into the paper. some of the shittest letters get in there so it cant be too hard, my response to homophobe womans letter got in. but im not really sure what to write in this one.

my mum got me this stuff, which is called 'lecithin granules'.. I cant remember what i planned to do with it. my mum got a cook book called.. 'cooking with soy' (or something like that) and its got lotsa cool stuff i wanna cook. Its really not gunna help me eat less soy, but o well. I gotta find somewhere to get my hair cut (and stuff) and its hard because i never get anything done to my hair, except get it cut, and my regular place is starting to suck and cut my hair longer than i ask for. 2 days of school left forever. =) so lotsa stuff has been goin on. i have.. uhh.. about one essay, and a bunch of questions to do before wednesday.. and then i've done all the work for school i ever need to do. except exams but they dont count. its exciting. and the weather for muck up day is meant to be 28 degrees, definatly good beer weather!

Hmmm .. i was emailing tip top to ask them if their english muffins are vegan or not.. and then i clicked on this stupid looking 'virtual bakery' bit and found this. but i dunno if that means the muffins are vegan, or if only the emulsifiers are vegan and theres some other thing in it that isnt.. but emulsifier 481 was the only thing i didnt think was vegan.
Anyone know for sure.. ?
Also i just thought i'd post it cuz it was helpful.

I found the coolest thing and i want it. Except its not workinghttp://www.wunderground.com/geo/BannerPromo/US/FL/Melbourne.htmlWhen i go there.. the stickers arent there, only the words describing the sticker. I want it so so so much.. Other things .... Last nite i went to a mates 18th at the diamo tavern. it was good =) Today i went shopping, sort of. I bought uhh.. 2 belts.. 3 t shirts... there is a new 'young mens' section in target.. where the clothes come in XS. =) so that means lots of cheap world industries stuff..

I saw this name thing on not_in_denial s journal.. and i liked it. I thought itd b cool to look up both of my names.. Theres no 'jak'.. but i geuss it does come from 'jack' so i did jack. Heres where it came from
http://www.thenamesite.com/
I will Bold the things that are pretty much right..
<b> Jack </b>
Name Origin: HebrewNumber of Syllables: 1.00Gender: Male
More interesting facts about the name Jack:
Lucky Number: 7Ruling Planet: NeptuneElement: WaterPrimary Color: VioletTraits: Frequently possesses E.S.P. Extremely "psychic"; Introvert. Although s/he does not say much, s/he usually knows a great deal. Mysterious. Often interested in psychology, psychiatry, chemistry, and botany. Knowledgeable in astrology and all fields of the occult. Fond of fishing. Inclined to take from the "haves" and give to the "have nots".
<b> old name that your not allowed to know, if you dont already know <b>
Name Origin: HebrewNumber of Syllables: 2.00Gender: Female
More interesting facts about the name : -
Lucky Number: 2Ruling Planet: The MoonElement: WaterPrimary Color: OrangeTraits: Sensitive, domestic. Tends to be emotional and easily influenced to tears. Has a fertile imagination. Very fond of the home. Patriotic. Accepts changes in surroundings. Prefers to live near the water. Often possesses musical talents and would make a very good psychic.
Some of the other things are semi right and soem of them are very wrong..

it was sorta amusing anyway... Eh.. its kind of shit, i just looked up another name and it had the excact same traits as another completely different name..
Does anyone know of any vegan sunscreen that u can get in a shop or something.. in melbourne?
My mum says i am 'pedantic' and doesnt really want me to use her credit card to get some over the internet.. But, if i cant find any that i can buy here, then i will order some.
I forget if i said this the other day but i found my ID so i dont have to use my sisters one anymore. Its good because now i dont have to pretend to be 20.. But its been amusing using my sisters one. I think i'll get a keypass cuz only having L's sux. And i have this odd haircut that i dont like (in my L's pic). I need a haircut now too. Its makin angry.

.

Yesterday i think i gave myself food poisoning. I got really sick, but today i am fine. Matt is a wankjob and i dislike him a lot. There was a thing on the news about aussie sheep being treated badly. Me and my sister were talking about it. Matt came in as the convo was ending and asked what we were talking about. Me and Matt then got into an argument and he said 'Humans are meant to be omnivores'. I said i didnt care what he had to say, cuz i dont, hes an idiot.. (and we have had the meat conversation before) he thinks he has the absolute correct answer to everything. And anyone who isnt willing to listen, learn, or tolerate anyone elses POV is a fucking idiot, no matter how smart they think they are. Anyway.. so i left the room and he called me a 'dumb bitch'. After i left he told my little sister that he was pissed off (at me) cuz he thinks (in his opinion, he 'knows') that i stole $25 outta his wallet. Which is complete bullshit. I havnt even seen him in days.. I am very angry at him. I am trying to think of a plan to somehow.. do soemthing bad to him. My first thoughts were to hit him in the head with the vacuum cleaner pipe, but thats not a good idea. I did want to go and have a go at him, for thinkin i'd do that. But whenever i try to have a go at someone.. just tellin them what i think, even if they yell back at me twice as loud heaps harsher than me, i always end up lookin like a psycho. The 'dumb bitch' comment is stuck in my head.I havnt replied to many comments lately cuz when i get email comments, and go to comment back from the email.. it doesnt work. I keep forgetting it doesnt work and never have enough time to go back and find the entry and comment on it from the LJ site. So.. sorry. And is this happenin to anyone else? Or is it some setting ive put on hotmail or my comp?

There is a fly flying around the room. Its about the most frustrating sound ever. Makes me tense and edgy. The more i chase it, sneak up on it, try to catch it.. the more it frustrates me.

Header Title : Behind those hazel eyesCharacters: Gaeta, Dee, Adama, Roslin, Helo, Baltar , HeadSix, CottleGenre : Angst, deathfic, tragedyRating : M, 16 and upWords: 2.270Beta :millari >thanks, hug.Discailmer : BSG belongs to Ron D. Moore, I dont make money with thisWarning : Spoiler S3, violence(rape), you should know the ep. Taking a breakTeaser :He tried to concentrate, but he could barely repress the intrusive memories of New Caprica. Nightmares frequently woke him up in the middle of the night, and he would find himself bathed in sweat.Behind Those Hazel Eyes Dualla woke up in her rack, yawning and stretching extensively, her mind already in the CIC, planning her day. Lee was up and gone; his shift started earlier then hers. Eventually, more or less awake, she got out of bed. Looking at Gaetas rack, she saw that the curtain was still closed, even though they were supposed to get up at the same time and work the morning shift in CIC. Did he oversleep? The evening before, she had checked the communications protocols together with him, a rather boring task, but a necessary part of the ship's routine. Hardly an exhausting task, though. Quietly she sneaked up to his rack. "Hey, Gaeta! Get up!" Behind the curtain, nothing moved. "Hey, Gaeta you sleepyhead !" she teased, dragging the curtain andshe froze in her movement: The Lieutenant lay motionless on his bed. His lips had turned a deathly shade of blue. His eyes were closed. Dualla noticed a small empty medicine bottle by his hand, the lid missing. "Oh my Gods, Felix!" she screamed, her hand clapping over her mouth in surprise. She made futile efforts to shake him. "Gaeta !" she yelled in a panic. "Help! Oh my Gods, help!"Helo, who had been passing by the dormitory, ran in alarm at the frantic sound of her voice. He found her standing in front of Gaetas rack, tears running down her cheeks. "Oh Lords of Kobol," she sobbed. A quick look at the Lieutenant's lifeless body told him what had happened. "Frak," he muttered. He searched for a pulse, hoping it wasn't too late, but Gaeta's skin felt unusually cold. He looked up at Dualla, who was clearly trying to stay calm and keep her voice from shaking. "Ill call Doc Cottle," she said, determined, but Helo embraced her by her shoulders. "Anastasia, he's dead."Her eyes widened with shock. "No, he can't be!""He's been dead for many hours, Dee; we're too late." "How is that possible? Yesterday we worked togetherplayed triad. We were having so much fun. He was so happy...so relaxed" "Frak!" Helo banged his fists against the rack's frame, making Dualla flinch. Helo had seen many soldiers die since they'd been at war, but this was different, so pointless and unnecessary. He didnt know Gaeta as well as Dualla, but he'd played triad with him and had laughed at his jokes. It was so wrong. He calmed down again and called Admiral Adama. ***Adama picked up the CIC's ringing phone. Tigh watched as the Admirals face darkened, and he gave his superior officer a quizzical look. "You're absolutely sure?" Adama said. Then: "Thanks. Im on my way." Adama stared at the receiver a few moments before letting it sink slowly back onto its hook. "What is it?" Tigh asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."The Admirals voice sounded even huskier then usual. "Mr. Gaetas dead. He committed suicide early this morning." "Son of a bitch!" Tigh exclaimed. ***Doc Cottle confirmed his death with Adama, Tigh, Helo and Dualla all standing next to the late Lieutnant Gaetas rack."If Id known what he was planning to do, Id have never given him those pills." Cottle lit a cigarette. "He came to me complaining that he had trouble sleeping at night, so I started giving him some pills when I could spare them. I thought it was stress; I had no idea he was saving them." He exhaled the smoke with a sigh. "Its not your fault, Doc," Adama said. "I was his commanding officer. I should have noticed that something was wrong with him. Gaeta was always so composed, calm, hardly ever lost his nerve, but I never knew what was going on inside of him.""He was my superior officer," Dualla mused. "I always thought we - Felix and I - were friends, but he never said anything about this, never seemed depressed.""What about that interview he gave DAnna Biers?" Helo said. "Didn't he say he'd asked himself whether there was more in life? He seemed to be happy, so I never thought anything of it at the time, didn't think it was important. But now"***Some days agoLt. Gaeta stared at his DRADIS screen like a man hypnotized. He tried to concentrate, but he could barely repress the intrusive memories of New Caprica. Nightmares frequently woke him up in the middle of the night, and he would find himself bathed in sweat. Even the slightest sound startled him, made him panic these days. He didn't know how much longer he could take it."Sir?" Dualla's voice interrupted his thoughts. "You ok? You're sweating." Her comment made him notice the cold sweat on his forehead for the first time. A shiver ran down his back. "I'm fine. Just a little hot in front of the screen." He smiled, which seemed to calm her.Later, lying in his rack, staring into the darkness, he tried to keep himself awake as long as possible. His entire body shook, thinking about the argument with Baltar that had torn Felix open afresh, that had made him lose his temper and stab Baltar with a pen. With one harsh whisper in his ear, Baltar had turned out to know everything. Called him a traitor. But the Cylons hadn't left Felix any choice. They'd controlled him. He had been so powerless, so weak, so subjugated. Tears ran down his cheeks. It wasn't just the pain or the humiliation. It was his conscience that troubled him. In his mind's eye, he saw the incident playing over and over again, like some sort of movie. The Cylons had intruded his tent in the middle of the night, overpowered him and forced him to come with them to that prison, where they had done unspeakable things. The memories made him suddenly sick. He ran out of his rack and into the bathroom just barely in time before he had to throw up violently into the nearest toilet. His own heaving breaths disgusted him. He was disgusting. Some of it had even pleased him, against his will, or at least he thought this might be the case. And he'd betrayed all of his friends, to make the Cylons stop hurting him. He had been so weak.His shoulders trembled. He sobbed loudly, running his hands through his hair. No, this couldn't possibly have happened to him; it was all just a nightmare. He tried to tell himself this for a moment; it was terrifying, yes, but not real. Just a nightmare. Something that had happened to someone else, not Felix Gaeta. He got up from the floor and splashed cold water into his face, which helped calm him. It was only water, not tears that were making his cheeks wet, he told himself. Maybe he'd eaten something that had gone bad, he told himself, returning to his rack. ***The following morning, he met Dualla on her way to CIC. She greeted him with a smile. There were days when Felix was sure they all could see it written on his forehead in scarlet letters and just weren't saying anything."Report, Mr. Gaeta." He snapped to attention at the sound of Adama's husky voice. "No DRADIS contact in twelve hours, Sir." Those bastards should rot in Hades. That's where they belong , he thought, then remembered where he was, as he saw Adama give him a short nod.Later that day, he met with Dee and some others to play triad. He was sitting with them around the table, laughing, clinking glasses of ambrosia like in the good old days before the Attack. But something, deep down below the surface had changed since he'd returned from New Caprica. Some just stared at him or gave him strange looks as they passed him in the corridor. Others started to talk behind his back. Some even wished him dead, since he'd worked for Baltars government and others had just become strangers to him. Galactica didnt feel like home to him anymore. He felt alienated and empty - a stranger on the ship that had once been all he had left.Somewhere there was a deep emptiness in his soul, an abyss, that threatened to swallow him, but he didn't care; nothing mattered anymore. If the Cylons ever showed up, wanting to kill him, he wouldn't fight them. They had already won.Such were the dark thoughts that were surrounding him as he lay on his bed, rolling the bottle of scavenged sleeping pills around between his fingers. He'd been collecting these pills for a while. Sleeping - just sleeping, and never waking up again sounded like a dream to him. No more fighting, suffering, or fear; finding peace after all hed been through; it was what he wanted most. When he finally opened the glass, he took out pill after pill and swallowed them like candy. It felt great to be free at last.***Present Day Adama still felt stunned about Gaeta's death. Earlier that morning, he'd entered CIC, lost in thoughts and had asked Gaeta for a status report. When no answer followed, he realized his error and it hit him that he wouldn't hear that pleasant baritone ever again, because Gaeta was really gone. His seat was still empty. The Lieutenant wasn't only a personal , but also a professional loss for the ship, hard to replace. They were looking for a new watch officer. Adama boiled with rage. He wanted to know the reasons for Gaeta's suicide, so it could finally make some sense. He took the phone off the hook and called Roslin. Maybe they could get some information from Baltar. If necessary, he was determined to even force Baltar to speak.***Baltar heard footsteps approaching his cell and saw Adama and Roslin walking towards him. Adama started to speak. "Consider this to be an interrogation, Mr. Baltar. Yesterday, your former secretary Mr. Gaeta committed suicide. I want to hear in plain English what happened between you and him on New Caprica, no excuses!"Baltar swallowed. He was honestly shocked. "Im sorry, I didn't want that to happen." With tears welling up in his eyes, he hung down his head."Liar !" said a sarcastic female voice behind him. "You wanted to blackmail him with it." He ignored Six. "Damnit, Baltar, talk to me!" Adama yelled at him."Where should I begin?" he answered in a thin voice.Roslin started to speak. "Tell us what you whispered into his ear that made him lose his temper and attack you . You called him a traitor, right ?"Baltar kept his gaze on the floor as he spoke. "There is something that you dont know about Gaeta. He betrayed the Resistance on New Caprica to the Cylons, but it was without any consequences, because the planet was liberated the next day, so no one was arrested." "Congratulations Gaius, youre an even dirtier liar then I thought." Six applauded ironically."Maybe he felt guilty about it" Baltar continued.Adama and Roslin couldnt believe what they had just heard. Wasn't Gaeta a hero at all, like the Chief had claimed?"Speaking of guilt - something that seems to be unknown to you - why dont you tell the whole truth about the Cylons who visited you and showed you that tape of Gaeta?" teased Six."I should add something" His hands wrapped around the bars. "We're all ears, Mr. Baltar," Roslin said."Mr. Gaeta was tortured. He unfortunately guessed some right names to give them to make them stop." "Interesting. How can you know that, since according to your statements, nobody was ever tortured on New Caprica?" hissed Roslin. Baltar swallowed again. "One morning, two Cylons came to see me, a Five and a Leoben. They showed me a video." His eyes began filling with tears. "It was so horrible to watch. They tortured Gaeta. They tied him to a bed and they beat him." "He cried and begged them to stopbut they wanted names" His voice broke and tears rolled down his cheeks. " They did something horrible, to terrify him, to make him give up the names they wanted: They raped him."Roslin gave him a shocked look. In that moment, she felt unending compassion for Felix."He gave them some names, to make them stop," Baltar continued, sobbing now. "They threatened to do the same to me, if I didn't cooperate." Six nodded. "We've learned a lot from you, Gaius, but don't worry. We won't let those models get away with it, like the officers on Pegasus. We are a just race. We're no humans, after all."Baltar ignored her sarcasm. "Thank you, Mr. Baltar," Adama said coldly. Like Roslin, he was shocked by what he had just heard. Both left the brig in silence.In the corridor, Roslin burst into tears. "Gods! How could anybody ever do that! If we'd known, we could have helped him"Adama hugged her and stroked her back to calm her. He was so angry, but it was a cold rage. "They must have found out about what our officers did to that Cylon woman aboard the Pegasus. Gaeta was just their way of avenging it. I hope he's in a better place now." Gaeta felt as if he was swimming in a mucos liquid, was this what death felt like ? "Take a deep breath" said a female voice.He opened his eyes and looked into the face of a blond woman,who reminded him of Shelly Godfrey."Where am I ?""Home." she said.Gaetas eyes dilated with shock, when he realized where he was.This was worse than all the things that happend to him before.He started screaming at the top of his lungs. The end

I have seen the rain Header Title : I have seen the rain Genre: tragedy,angst,flashback to VietnameraCharacters: Murdock, Hannibal, Face, B.A., SusanRating: M (16+)Disclaimer :"The A-team" belongs to S.Carnell, I dont make money with this.Note: reference to the Song "I have seen the rain" by PinkSummary : Susan, a new nurse at the V.A., wants to find out more about Murdock and the reasons, why hes living in the V.A. at all.>Im still looking for someone to beatread it.Part 1 Today was Susan Taylors first day at the Veteran Asylum, a psyichatric hospital for former soldiers. She already had had a look at the files of some of patients, so she was familiar with those cases. Now she was waiting for the matron to show her the ward. The matron was a about fifty year old woman, who wore her grey hair in a tight knot. She looked the new nurse over with disdain. Miss Taylor, please follow me and listen caerfully, I dont like to repeat myself .Susan suppressed an urge to stand to attantion and salut. Then she obediantly followed her through the sterile corridor until the matron stopped in front of a door. This is the room of Mr.H.M. Murdock , he calles himself Howling Mad, but his real name is written down somewhere in his file. Its Henry Marcus, Susan added. The matron lifed her eyebrow in acknowlegement. I see you have done your homework.She knocked at the grid of the door.Mr. Murdock ?A terrified scream came from inside. The invasion of the extraterrestrials has begon !!! Run for your lifes !!!The matron opend the door just a bit. Murdock ? Im fireing all my torpedos and phasers ! A splash of water hit them when entering the room.Murdock was crouching behind his bed and a pile of pillows that looked like an improvised barricade, shooting at them with his waterpistol.He wore a selfmade cellophane triangel hat in order to keep the aliens from reading his mind. Mr. Murdock, may I introduce you to our new nurse , Susan Taylor ? Murdock popped up behind his pile of pillows. Greetings from outerspace, mon cherie !He theatrically raised his hat and smiled. Susan giggeld. Hello Mr. Murdock , nice to met you.Murdock had a closer look at her; the new nurse was very attrative, slim, tall, long, blonde hairthe kind of woman that would date Face, but never a nutcake like him.He would never be more than a patient to her, how frustrating.Nice to have met you, bye,Mr.Murdock, she said and left the room together with the matron.What exactly is wrong with Mr. Murdock, he just seems to be fooling a round ? She had read the diagnosis in his file and therefor expected worse than that.The older woman frowned. The difference between Murdock and someone just fooling around is, that he believes in what he does. He thinks his imaginary dog, Billy, is real like any other phantasie, he likes to talk about. He isnt able to care for himself, hes like a big child in a way. Sometimes he runs away with one of his former mates from Nam, but he always returns after a while. That guy often disguises himself, thinking we dont get it, it seems to be a kind of game for Murdock, or that guy is as crazy as he is. I dont know what they do, maybe they just go to the nearest pub to drink a beer and talk about old times. But I never saw relatives visiting him.Susan nodded. How can I get more information about him, his files says that he was a pilot in Vietnam whos been living here since the end of war. I dont know more than that file says, but maybe you can talk to that friend of his.Part 2After a while Murdock and Susan became friends, if friendship was possible between a patient and a nurse. He told her a lot of storys about the A-team and their fantastic assignments , which Susan liked to hear but never considert to be real. On a warm springday both were sitting on a bench in the hospital park. The trees were in bloom and you could already sense the summer in the air. Tell me , where do you get all those ideas from, I mean, the A-team and this storys you keep telling me ? You think, Im just an other freak, but I thought you really do believe me. He seemed hurt and disappointed.Murdock She looked at him with sympathy. Id really like to believe you, but nothing indicates that, for example, those people you mentioned, dont just exist in your head. Sure Face exists and hes going to visit me soon, then you can check wether hes real or not, he snapped.Two weeks later, Murdock was indeed visted by a man, matching his descriptions.Susan was putting clean sheets on his bed when the stranger entered his room.Hey, Face !, he called Thats Susan, I told you about her on the phone, shes our new nurse and you should really meet her ! She looked up to this very handsome man, who couldnt have been a product of Murdocks imagination, except for her starting to see ghosts, too. Hello Mr. Peck, Tempelton, Peck. He shoke her hand.Oh, well,if all the nurses here were as pretty as you, I wouldnt want to be sane any more, he flirted.Murdock gave him a warning and jealous look, which Susan didnt notice. Face understood.Mr.Murdock, I got to go, have a nice time with your friend.When Face left Murdocks room,Susan followed him. Please wait for a moment, Mr.Peck, Id like to ask you a question. Go ahead.Do you happen to know something about Murdocks family or what happened to him during the war ?Face hesitated for a moment, not knowing how much he could tell her.Well, I met him for the first time back in Nam, we served under Colonel John Smith on a special unite called the A-team, but he never told me anything about his family. The A-team exists ?! I thought Murdock made it up like this Colonel Decker whos chasing himOh, thats a long story, but why dont you come with me and meet the A-team in person ?Youre lucky, my luchbreak starts in five minutes. She followed Face two streets down until he stopped in front of a parked dark van with a red eyecatching red stripe on it. He opened the sideward door. May I introduce you to the A-team; the one with the cigar is the Colonel, we call him Hannibal, the one behind the wheel is B.A. And this is Susan, a nurse from the VA and a friend of Murdocks.Susan looked at them with disbelife. I thought you were just something existing in his imagination. Hey, man, Im real, I aint nothing that,that fool made up, man !, B.A. grumbeled.Hannibal smiled and put his cigar nonchalland into the corner of his mouth. Why dont you get in ?She hesitated, looking at the men.Dont be afraid, they are more harmless than they look, encouraged Face.Finally she climbed into the van. So you are his fellows from Vietnam ? Ive been wondering for a while about what happened to Murdock during the war, that turned him into what hes now. I thought, maybe you as his friends, could tell me anything to make me understand him better ?Hannibal slowly exhaled the smoke. You wanna know, why hes the way he is now, he said pensively I think I know the reason, but it isnt a pretty story, lady, I tell you, but itll answer your question, so if you wanna hear it, here we go. It goes back to one hot summerday in Vietnam.Part 3The convoy, which was transporting supplies to a village, was going slowly up the narrow and steep streets through the asian jungle. Colonel John Smith, nicknamed Hannibal after the famous strategic genius, cursed the jungle, the heat and the dust. He hated beeing there, but that wouldnt keep him from accomplishing his mission.Captain Murdock was sitting next to him, driving the small army truck and humming along the exotic music coming from the radio. The rough drive through holes and over stones didnt seem to interfere with his good mood. Fortunatly, this assignment promised to be more relaxing than the dangerous search and destroy missons or risky special operations, he and his team usual did.Leutnant Peck and Sergant Baracus were in the truck driving behind him, follwed by a jeep.Hannibal opened the window in order to let the cooling wind blow into his face and took a cigar from his pocket. This was much better, sometimes life could be pleasant even in the middle of a war. He smiled. The Captains good mood was contagious.Now, Murdock had stopped humming.The Colonel watched him; he was a still young officer in his midtwentys and despite his youth known as an extraordinary pilot. Hannibal could see it on the missons,when he flew them to their engagements. He might be a little crazy , but which sain person would volontier to join the Green Berets and go to Vietnam ? Cheerfully he blew the smoke into the sultry afternoon air. Murdock watched him from the corner of his eye. The Colonel was smiling in his typical impish way. He hadnt known him for a long time, but had the feeling, that his CO was a trustworthy , experienced man, sure Hannibal could feel that.In a distance they could see some cabins. Colonel, were going to be there in two minutes.Murdock slowed the truck down and drove into the village. The people were expecting them, women and children came out of the cabins, looking curiously at the foreign soldiers.Hannibal got out of the truck first, when suddenly the shooting started. He threw himself flat on the ground and took cover behind the truck. This was an ambush and they stepped right into it. Face and B.A. returned the fire, but there was no hope for the civilians. From a close distance Hannibal could watch a young woman beeing shot into the head, splashes of blood stained his uniform. Next to her a child broke down after taking a lethal hit. He tried to concentrate on the approching enemy soldiers.Murdock instinctivly had trown himself on the seat when the shooting started, now he was firing trough the open window at the jungel from where the Vietcong attacked.The windshield of the truck took a hit and shattered, spraying a rain of glasplinters all over Murdock. The bullet supposed to kill the Captain missed him for just an inch hitting the seat.Face took position behind the open door of the jeep firing MG-volleys at their uninvited guests. Hannibal moved torwards the jeep in order to support him.The tactical situation was critical, they were outnumbered by the enemy soldiers closing in.They couldnt take on a whole platoon all by themselves and soon they would run out of amonition. An other problem was the protection of the surviving civilians hidding in the cabins.He was trying to get a better picture of the situation, aguishly thinking about a plan to save his men. Bauer seemed to be dead, he was laying motionless on the ground, Anderson got an injury at his leg, he wouldnt make it. Face and B.A. were fine, holding their ground.But this couldnt last for long, the enemy had encircled them, coming closer and closer.The A-team was trapped. Some soldiers came out of the jungle, pointing their guns at Face and B.A., who slowly raised their hands and so did Murdock.Hannibal watch out ! Face suddenly yelled.The Colonel heard footsteps behind him. He turned around in a fast movement in order to grab the soldier sneaking up at him, but was hit hard on the temple by a rifle butt instead.He unconsiously sank to the ground.When Hannibal came to with terrible headaches, he was looking into a barrel of a machine gun.Dont move, Mister !, said the Vietcong soldier with a foreign accent in English.Hannibal stayed in his uncomfortable position with his hands and feets beeing tied up.What about my men ?, he mumbled dazed.The soldier just laught and kicked his rip. Hannibal tried to ignore the pain.Mistreating helpless people seems to be a hobby of yours, isnt it ?He smiled at him in a cocky way, which made the soldier kick him again. This time he couldnt avoid sighing in pain.Shut up ! or Ill stuff your mouth, Colonel. He put a disdainful emphasis on his rank.You mean Shut up , Sir, I still outrank you, Hannibal teased.But this was just the outside, a mask he wore that nobody could see behind. Inside he was trembling with fear but his innate actingtalent helped him to appeare more brave then he actually was.The leader of the Vietcong gestured to his men standing next to him and yelled some orders in his mouthertounge. Hannibal was grabbed and pulled to his feet by two of them.You will stop smiling soon., the soldier hissed into his ear.Then he was dragged towards one of the straw cabins. Hannibal fought against a wave of nauseness when he was brought into an upright position, he still hadnt recovered from that blow he took. The next shock was waiting for him in the almost dark cabin.Hannibal cleared his throat. It seemed as if talking was suddenly difficult for him.What Ill tell you now isnt easy to take. Dont think that I wasnt shocked, I.just concealed it better. Yes, I feared for me and you to die on that day in the jungle when I heard the shots.Face interrupted him. I saw what happenedehmnot actually saw, but heard it.I never talked about it before.Face had lost any idea about time when he came to.For a part of a secound, he was close to panic, because he couldnt see anything despite him feeling the hot sun burning on his naked arms. Then he realised that he had been blindfold with a black piece of cloth.Face rubbed his head over the ground in order to remove it; his hands and feets were tied up. Now he could see a small bit of his environment, but not enough to get a clear orientation.He heared footsteps, a woman screaming, soldiers shouting orders, a little child started crying then shooting and more screaming and yelling. The charivari continued and the shots werent far away from him.Face tried to lay absolutly still in order to avoid catching their attention.Sweat was running down his forehead. Where was the rest of his team ? He listened closely, hoping to make out their voices in that noise. Were they still alive ? He was close to panic again, had they been shot allready , was he going to be next ? Someone was coming closer, he could sense it. His heart started beating faster and he barely could lay still. Suddenly Face heard someone screaming with pain, he recognized it was Murdock.Inside the cabin, I had to face something terribel, Hannibal continued I still remember it when I see bamboofurniture or strewmats, I hate that stuff like hellHannibals eyes recognized Murdock in the semidarkness. The walls made of strew didnt let much light get into the cabin, but it really seemed to be dusk outside.He was crouching in a corner with his uniform torn.The hair was hanging dishevelled into his face,his eye was swollen and his lips were burstHannibal could see the bruised skin where the clothes were ripped. Are you ok, Murdock ?, he whispert, although he could see he was not.The Pilot weakly nodded.Colonel, where are the others ?I know Ill find a way to get us out of here I..One of the soldiers dragged him away from Murdock and pushed him on a chair. Then he tied him to it, while the other soldier was pointing a gun at him.Enough talking, he barked.Two more soldiers entered the cabin. They grabbed fightend Murdock and pushed him to the ground. One of them took out a knieve and cut off parts from his uniform.Hannibal knew what was going to happen next and turned his head away, but the soldier pushed it back in order to make him watch.Youll watch, we do it just for you.He felt the cool metal of the gun pressed against his neck and swallowed the sarcastic remark. Then he was forced to watch with a mixture of disgust and faszination the terrible things, they did to the young pilot.Murdock screamed and cried.He just couldnt watch this without doing something.His fingertips reached for the rops trying to find a way to lossen them at least a little. But the bigger problem was the gun pointed at him, otherwise he would have gotten up and started to fight.No doubt they wouldnt hesitate to pull the trigger, if he moved. Maybe Face and B.A. were already dead. He felt sympathy for Murdock, who had to endure this just because he couldnt protect him. It made him so angry. If only he couldn help him somehowMurdock, youll get through this , everthing will be fine, I promise, Ill take you back homewell leave the army after this shit is over and start a new life in L.A., we could found an organisation and work freelance he just babbled something hoping that the sound of his voice might give him strength. The soldiers didnt seem to understand him, because they let him talk and didnt show any reaction.Murdock cried and whimpered, so he was still alive.The Colonel was sure that they would be killed as well, there was no reason to let them live after they became witnesses of the massacre and they were enemy soldiers, that was what the rational part of his mind told him.Only a miracle would have saved us.. , Hannibal closed.But the miracle was already on its way, Face continued. I was grabbed by some soldiers andFace felt that a couple of hands grabbed him and pulled him up, then he was lifed and carried away. He couldnt tell because of the bildfold, but it seemed to be night. Suddenly, he was dropped on the floor. Face groaned. But that was just the beginning; out of the blue fists started to punch him and he was kicked by many feet. He curled up in order to protect him from the beating. After an eternaty, to Face it seemed even longer, they stopped. His whole body ached, so he could barely move. A hand was run softly through his blond hair.He heard a low female voice, then his blindfolt was removed. Now, Face was looking at a pretty asian soldier smiling friendly at him. Oh, hello ; if Id known that Ill meet you today, I would have dressed up, he tried to flirt, but the woman gave him a confused look. Never mind.He smiled at her winningly.Out of the blue, she bent in for a kiss. Her soft lips touched his mouth.Why couldnt all the soldiers be that nice, Face thought, after all he was a follower of the make love not war idea , but unfortunatly the Vietcong had a different motto.Suddenly, he saw a flash of light reflected from a blade in the semidarkness, which made him instinctivly flich away from her.The woman shook her head and tried to calm him, pointing at the robs around his wrists and angles. She wanted to free him ? He gave her a sceptical look.In a guesture, she put a finger on her mouth. Be quiet ? Face gave her a questioning look.From outside , they could hear some male voices calling and engines beeing started.A single voice yelled an order. The woman hurried to cut through the robs and shouted an answer in her mothertounge. After guesturing him to be quiet and stay were he was, she ran out of the cabin. Face could hear the enginesound getting lower in the distance . They flew.Befor he left the cabin, he waited for a while listening in order to make sure , that they were really gone. Slowly he got up. The Leutnant had to find out wether his teammates were still alive. A lamp was hanging from the ceiling, which Face took off and lighted it with some matchsticks he found on a cupboard. The place between the cabins, filled with dead bodys, was a horrible sight. As far as he could see, they all had gunshootwounds.Face was thankful for the darkness and the dime candellight so he didnt have to have a closer look at them. He disgustedly climbed over them.He reached a cabin and dragged the curtain, which was there instead of a door.empty and so were the other three ones. But then he was lucky to find Hannibal inside the fourth cabin.He was tied to a chair, sleeping or at least pretanding to be. Colonel, its me Face !His eyes opened at once. Is the coast clear ?, he whispert.Face nodded. They are gone, but unfortunatly our vehicles, too. I dont know how to get us some new ones out here.He spotted Murdock lieing curled up in a corner with his uniform in ragges.What the matter with him ?Hannibal shoke his head, not now.After Face had freed Hannibal and Murdock , who was unsually silent, they found B.A. tied up and blindfolt in an other cabin. Outside it was dawning.Outside it was dawning. In the morning sunrise, the bodys, now crawling with flies and the first maggots starting to feed on them, were an even more horrible sight. Anderson was among the dead women and children. Face watched Hannibal wrinkel his nose in disgust, then putting a hand over it.Lets go, men, heres nothing left to do for us.B.A. gave Hannibal a surprised look. Hey man, why didnt ya tell me what happened to poor Murdock ? Id killed that suckers who did that to him !Hannibal looked to the floor. I just tried to forget it, but sure Murdock couldnt. After a rescueparty had found us, he was taken to the hospital in our camp. I asked the doctors about his condition, but never really got an answer.Then I was told that he was physically fit again but wouldnt be able to go on duty, if he wouldnt recover from trauma soon. They let me visit him, but the person I saw wasnt Murdock anymore. He behaved like a small child, playing with toys, painting pictures with crayon and all the time he was mumbling to himself or talking to people or things which werent their at all. The doctors mentioned something about regression, that he tried to cope with the situation by becoming a child again. After two month, he was well enough to fly us to our Hanoi-mission, but he had changed somehow. When he was back home, he had a nervousbreakdown.I was told that he was standing on the roof of a building, screaming that he could fly like a bird, people were afraid that he might jump, thats why he was taken to the V.A. Since that day, hes like we all know him now, Hannibal closed.Something he never talked about were his feelings to have let Murdock down on that day in the jungle.He was his commanding officer and supposed to protect him.He should have sensed the trap, he hadnt been careful enough, this he could never forgive himself.But could one really protect someone in a war ?Susan swallowed hard. Thank you for telling me this, I think, I understand now.She had a look at her watch. My break has ended thirty minutes ago. Hannibal nodded. Please visit us anytime, Murdocks friends are friends of the A-team as well.In thougths , she got out of the van. Susan was feeling sorry for Murdock, whod been through a lot. She would take good care of him.the end